Dear Grandma,

You became my Grandma when you were still 44 then. That was nearly 16 years ago. Such a delicate age. Some 44-year old females are not even mothers at such an age, yet you were suddenly burdened with the responsibility of being my Grandma on 3 September 1992.

Mummy and Papa were constantly kept busy with their own work commitments and rarely had time for me. As a result, they placed 100% trust on you to take good care of me. You were more of a mother to me. You bathed me, wiped me, clothed me, fed me and even played with me.

I know how colicky i was when i was younger. I used to scream and shout and make such a fuss out of everything. You never failed to pacify me with your tender loving care. Every sweet, chocolate or ice cream that i wanted, you got it for me. You bought me a plush teddy bear that eventually became my best buddy and whenever it was not within my sight, i’d cry and demand for it. That was how much i treasured the gift by you.

I went through the old albums a few days ago and realised how many pictures you have of me. Album after album after album. There were yellowing and fading pictures of us in Bali, Jakarta, Kuching and so many more places. I was so contented to go travelling with you. I was even well-recognised among your travelling compatriots and even among Yayi’s colleagues.

I also remember another instance whereby i adamantly refused to go home with Mummy and Papa cos I wanted to stay at your place. I sulked a great deal when both of them had to literally drag me home.

Now, things have changed. Cracks are slowly surfacing in our previously concrete relationship. Perhaps it’s the different levels in thinking. You think a certain way whereas i think another way. This stark difference in thinking has caused me to raise my voice several times, not quite deliberately though. As much as i’d like to control my frustration, sometimes i just can’t help it. Especially since i’m staying with you now, i find it quite a chore to communicate with you. Somehow i have this tendency to snap at you even though you just asked me a harmless question such as “Dah makan ke belum?” (i.e. Have you eaten yet?) I always regret barking at you because you are after all my own grandmother and you do deserve the due respect from me, your granddaughter.

Grandma, if i were you, i’d have lost patience with such a granddaughter and give her a piece of my mind. Fortunately, you’re not that type. You’re the mild type. Way mild. You don’t even dare to scold me. I guess you just don’t have the heart to do so. God have given me such a kind-hearted Grandma yet i’m taking you for granted. I’ve always been thankful that you are not as cranky and sullen-looking as other grandmothers. I admit that you nag far too much and the persistent nagging never fail to get on my nerves. But all grandmas are like that, yes?

Grandma, i really hope that we are able to bridge this widening gap between us and relieve the older days when we were so strangely comfortable with each other’s company. I do feel the gnawing feeling of jealousy when i observe kids my age embracing their grandmas and joking with them. We never do seem to have a common topic to talk about, do we? If i do have a chance to say it, i’d gladly say that i’d never trade you for any other grandma in the world, however annoying, irritating and laser-mouthed you are. Cos afterall, Nyai, you are my Grandma.