Dear Grandma,

This is Mei Mei writing here, and this is a letter I won’t ever give to you, but within it I’ve enclosed feelings I want to convey to you, but can’t.

There is language barrier between us. You speak only Hokkien, something which I cannot understand. So much I want to tell you, so much that I want to hear from you, but we can never actually sit down and have a grandmother to granddaughter talk.

I’m always hearing about grandparents telling stories of their past to their overeager grandchild
ren. I’ve never been able to experience that. When you come over to visit, all I can do is smile, saying, “Hello, Ah Ma”, the only thing you can understand. Then I go back to my room, doing my stuff while you do yours. This language barrier has kept us living separate lives that very rarely cross over to the other. We’re almost strangers…

Grandma, are you lonely? Once, when I was much younger, I remember asking Daddy why I didn’t have a grandpa. How much of the world had I seen then? I was naïve and clueless. All he could say was that Grandpa “was in heaven”. This I understood, but when I probed further, Daddy’d already decided this was the extent to which I was allowed to know. At the age of 13, I now know Grandpa’d had passed away of diabetes.

Grandpa, I’ll tell you the truth, if you could understand me – because grandpa died when I was too young, I don’t feel anything towards him. But YOU, Grandma, I used to be very attached to. I remember every time our family visited you, I would ask to stay with you. When Daddy interpreted this for you, I would always see a wide, beaming smile spread on your face. I was glad. I would then trot off back home with everyone first, then come back with my pink Hello Kitty bag all packed.

My elder sister didn’t understand why I liked you so much – to her, you were just a cranky old lady who liked to nag, though we never did understand any of your nagging. This is still true of you. I myself didn’t understand why, either. You nagged at me for just going near the elevator, you nagged at me when I danced around wildly, you nagged at me at almost everything little thing you were afraid would hurt us. But what I liked about you was the big smile you so often gave me.

But now we’ve grown apart. We’ve never even taken a picture together. I still want to be that little naïve girl around you, but I’ve forgotten how to. You look so alone when you come over, with Daddy at work and nobody else who understands you…

My regret is that even though you’re still here with us all, I can’t even reach out to you. Please just know that I still love you.

Your granddaughter,
Mei Mei.