Dear Grandpa (Ye Ye),

Do you know how much I love you? I’ve never said it to you before and I doubt I’ll ever tell you so. In a traditional family like ours, the simple phrase “I love you” sounds so foreign, simply because everything close to the heart is left buried in our hearts.

Did you know that when I was young, I hated travelling to Malaysia? I hated both the exhausting train journey as well as the never ending bus journey.

The kampong where my parents bathed me in candlelight and television was black and white. People there walked around in clogs and I was always chased by dogs. Each night, there would be a mosquito orchestra keeping me awake. Those memories are still so vivid and to be honest, I dreaded visiting you.

Since I was the youngest grandchild and you were naturally very protective of me. “Don’t run too far”, “Don’t go too near” – Those seemed to be the only dialogue you had with me. You understood no English and I spoke no Cantonese.

The lack of communication seemed to form an invisible barrier between us.

Our lives were different and we seemed to have silently agreed upon the motto “You live your life and I live mine”. I never asked too much and you did not bother to tell.

A few years ago, I heard that there was some problem with your eye and your eyesight was failing. But, I was nonchalant because I couldn’t feel the heat from a faraway fire.

It was only during one of the annual visits that I realized something was not quite right. About 10 minutes after my family stepped into the house, you asked my Dad why I didn’t come. I got a shock as I was seated next to you and busy reading the newspaper.

“Didn’t you see me coming in, Ye Ye?”

I dropped the newspaper and reached over to hold your hand. I remembered that you fumbled. And when you patted my hand, I could sense a tinge of sorrow. But you swiftly masked it with your usual “Have you had lunch?”

It was then that I felt the impact. It suddenly struck me that something was seriously wrong and that my Ye Ye would never be able to look at me clearly again.

Time is running out for both of us, Ye Ye. I am saddened by the fact that just when I am learning to see things from different perspectives, you are being robbed of your vision. How cruel can life get?

I am truly sorry for my past insolence and I seek your forgiveness. I will definitely treasure the remaining time we have, and I hope to celebrate your 100th with you in 2 years time. Let’s make a promise, Ye Ye.

I’ll be holding your hand no matter what happens. It doesn’t matter if you’re already too blind to see or too deaf to hear. Because all that matters is, I love you, Ye Ye.