Dear Arwah (Late) Atok,

I am currently 15 and am in secondary 3. I have gone to quite a good school. It’s called Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary School. It is quite a good school, as I repeat. The teachers are alright and everything has been going quite well for me. Did you know that for my overall exam grades for the first semester, I had the position of the second in my class? Even so, I am still striving to do better for the next exam. I hope you would give me your support.

I still remember the stories my parents have told me about you. They said you were strict about anything concerning studies, so I think you would be happy with my grades. They also said that you always buy food for the family whenever you go out. It seems that food was a very important factor of your life. If that is so, your son definitely took after you in that aspect. Maybe it had something to do with how life was in your times.

I rarely hear many stories about that time and I was too young to still remember all of it. I guess, if my memory serves me correctly, there was always food, but not in abundance. Plus the fact that it was always the same food on the plates as there was little variety at that time. I guess I need to ask my father to re-tell the tale. Even though I know he would say it from his point of view and would probably take a long time for him to stop.

It seems that most of the time, when adults are asked about one part of their lives, they would automatically tell everything. My father used to do that, bursting into story whenever and whenever possible. I wonder if all adults have some kind of switch that would make them so eager to share their lives and somehow are unable to stop. I wonder, if you were here, would you be the same? Would you be different? I guess I would wonder for the rest of the time, but I’m sure it would be nice to know.

It’s quite sad that I don’t remember you. You passed away when I was still too young to remember much, or to tell you the truth, anything at all. Did you carry me a lot when I was young and you were alive? What did you think of me at that time?

Was I loud and irritating? Did I suit your taste? Were you happy with me at that time? Did you wish I was different? If you were here, how would you think of me now? Would you think of me as quiet and withdrawn from the rest of the family? Would you be happy with me now, as I currently am? Would you wish I was different?

I don’t know. I was never close enough to you to know what you were thinking. I was young, I didn’t know much. I still don’t know much even now. I still have a lot to learn. I’m still very young but I have grown much since you left. Maybe you would be happy with my progress.

I have asked my questions, even though I probably wouldn’t have an answer, I wonder if you have any questions for me. Maybe you do, I’ll never know.