My mind and memories race back almost 45 years to ‘Gokul’, our home in Secunderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India. You always needled me every time my maternal grandfather from Madras (now Chennai) came to stay with us by saying “Your favourite Madras Thatha is here”.  I could not tell you then, but I can tell you now why he was my favourite. I hope you can read this letter from wherever you are and understand why he, and not you, was my favourite.

On every visit, Madras Thatha would thoughtfully buy me interesting story books such as the Jataka tales, Panchatantra stories or the exploits of Lord Krishna. As I got older he introduced me to Bhavan’s Journal, a small booklet with information on Hindu culture and religion. More importantly, he initiated me to the joy of reading which opened my heart and mind to a wide new world

My Madras Thatha would ask me about school, how I was doing and always had words of praise and encouragement. Though you and I lived together, you had no time for me. You were constantly talking to Appa about clients who had paid their fees and those who hadn’t. I know you were helping Appa in his office, but it gave me the impression that you were only interested in money. I was also encouraged to study hard by my Madras Thatha.  He believed that I could do well academically. His confidence in me baffled me sometimes, whereas you constantly told me that a woman’s place was in the kitchen. What hurt me most was when you would tell me not to study very hard, but would visit your granddaughter Padma, my cousin, and instigate her to study hard to compete with me. Padma told me this as we were in the same class. Do you know how upset I used to be? Why did you have to show this favouritism, Thatha? Don’t you want all your grandchildren to do well?

Story telling was my Madras Thatha’s forte. I still remember the summer months when we used to sleep on the open terrace under a starry sky. In his steady, soft but inflective voice, he would narrate stories from the Puranas, the Ramayana and Mahabharatha. To my utter frustration, he would stop at the most interesting juncture.  Narrating the story of Ramayana, he would pause after “Then Kaikeyi asked for three boons”.  I would ask “What were the three boons, thatha?”.  “For that you have to wait till tomorrow” he would add much to my disappointment.

There is one incident I remember with clarity. It was a weekday. I was seated on the verandah reading the morning papers.  When you saw me, you said “What are you doing here, sitting cross-legged like a man and reading the papers, when you should be helping your mum and grandma in the kitchen”?  Innocently I replied “Why do you always say women have to be in the kitchen? Look Indira Gandhi is a woman and she is the minister of Information and Broadcasting. Mrs Vijayalakshmi Pandit is in the UN and not in the kitchen”.  Just then Appa entered after a long and hard game of tennis, exhausted and perspiring. You immediately accosted him and accused him of not bringing up his children properly. You told him that I had no respect for elders and that I was rude. Appa then undid his belt and gave me a thrashing repeatedly saying “Never talk back to your elders, do you understand”?  I said I wasn’t, but of course he did not believe me. To the child in me, that was the worst day of my life: to be beaten by my father, who had never lifted a finger against me.  I was devastated, furious and humiliated. I sobbed and wailed because I felt you had let me down and demeaned me in my father’s eyes. I realize now that children then were not expected to speak their minds. This thought hurts me even more now.

You had your kind moments too. You openly appreciated the colourful garland of garden flowers I wove for the altar in the prayer room and the flaky chapathis I made for you.

Older and more mature, I now realize that both of you were different personalities, shaped by your environment and upbringing. I do think of you often, but I think of my Madras Thatha more fondly and lovingly. You now know why!
Your loving Grandaughter (who now works both in the kitchen and outside)
Chitra

My paternal grandfather brings me to school everyday although. Although he is already sixty-seven years old but he is still very strong and energetic. He jogs every morning after sending me to school. During school holidays, he brings my sister and me to the library. We love to read and he does not mind to stay with us in the library for a few hours. He also brings us to Changi Airport and we really enjoy seeing the aeroplane take off and landing. Some evenings, we go to the nearby badminton court playing badminton together. My grandfather is also a good story-teller who always tells us interesting stories. He is rather old but still young at heart.

My paternal grandmother is a very generous person who always helps others in need. When I want to buy something, no matter how expensive the thing is, my grandmother will still buy for me. Being the new generation, I feel so proud that I can speak dialect fluently. My grandmother is an illiterate and Hokkien is the only dialect I language that she can speak. Therefore, we are being “forced” to learn to speak Hokkien if not we are not able to communicate with her.

My grandmother is a super good cook. She cooks lunch and dinner for our family. She always cooks our favorite dishes and make sure that we have all the nutrients that we need. That’s why I’m over-weight.

A few years ago, a schoolmate who has the same name as me had injured herself and needed to be sent to the hospital for treatment. In a hurry to inform the girl’s family, the school had made a mistake and called my house instead. When my grandmother heard that I was injured and needed to be sent to the hospital, she was really panic and frightened. She came running to the school after hanging up the phone. On the way to school, an ambulance passed by her and she was so scared that she rushed all the way to my school.

At that time, I was having my abacus lesson and did not know what had happened. As she came into my class, she was panting very heavily. When she saw that I was fine, she heaved a sigh of relief but she was breathless and shivering. My abacus teacher tried to cool her down and gave her a glass of water. That night, when I recalled what had happened during the day; tears welled up in my eyes as I was very touched by how my grandmother’s love for me.

Although I do not stay with my maternal grandfather, I still maintain good relationship with him by visiting him whenever we are free. My grandfather always jokes with us and tells us that there are “gold “in his stomach that’s why his stomach is big and round.

Last year, he had throat cancer but he managed to recover with his strong spirit. Throughout the radiation treatment, he was very independent and strong. He didn’t want to bother his children and insisted that he went for the treatment by himself. He was very positive and with his strong spirit, he won the battle against cancer and now he is a healthy man again. My maternal grandfather is really a very strong and jovial person who always stays positive and cheerful during difficult time. I really feel very proud of him

Last but not least, I want to thank my three grandparents for loving and doting on me and my sister so much. Grandpas and grandma, I just want to say you are the best and I love all of you from the bottom of my heart and wish that you three always stay healthy and cheerful.

My maternal grandmother’s name is Chong Chow Moi while my maternal grandfather’s name is Lim Seng Tian. According to my mother, in the olden days, my maternal grandmother whom I usually address her as A- Ma was a good mother who took great efforts to bring her children up. In the past, although they weren’t rich, A-Ma went out to be a part-time maid for money. The reason? It was to keep her family alive.

Now, you should be wondering, what is my grandfather (whom I address A-Gong) doing? well, he was a bus conductor, as you know, the people who checks the tickets for bus trips. Together ,they brought my mother and her siblings up. A-Gong passed away when! was in primary 3, while my loving grandmother still carries on doting on my siblings, cousins and I..

Next, I am going to talk about my paternal grandparents. Grandmother (whom I address as nai-nai), Yeo Heok Hoon, and grandfather (whom I address as ye-ye) Tang Yang Tiong. Sad to say, even before I was born, both of them had already departed this world. According to my father, they were also great parents who took great efforts to bring their children up. Being poor, they persevered to keep their family and themselves alive, and I should learn from them.

Other than that, grandmother was also a person with great moral values. If my father or aunts and uncles do anything wrong, they will be reprimanded. While grandfather was a honest and upright hardworking man. He worked extremely hard to keep his family going.

I love and respect my grandparents. I just want to say this to them “Thank you very much”.

After she had married to my grandfather, she became a full time housewife. Not only she did all the household chores, she also took good care of her three children – my dad (her eldest son), my uncle (her second son) and my aunt (her youngest daughter). They were very poor at that time, in order to bring in extra income for the family, she had to work as a part-time housekeeper.

After my dad got married, my grandparents moved in with him. When my elder brother – Aaron Tan was born, my grandmother begun to babysit him. Two years later, I was born. My grandmother had to babysit me and my brother at the same time. When I was an infant, I always woke up at night and slept in the morning. Therefore, my grandmother was always lack of sleep because she had to take care of my brother while I was asleep and ditto.

When I was around three years old, I contracted the hand-foot-mouth disease. I was unable to eat solid food during that time and all I did was to cry. My grandmother was very worried and heartbroken, she was very afraid that I would not be able to make it. Therefore, she prayed to God, wishing me to get well soon. Since I was unable to eat solid food at that time, I was always feeling hungry. Therefore, my grandmother had to cook porridge for me and slowly fed me with the porridge. Due to my grandmother’s care, I was recovered after a week.

When me and my brother started schooling for a few years, my grandmother brought and fetched us to and from school. Furthermore, she would bring us food to eat for recess. I am grateful and appreciate what she have been doing for us all these years. Recently, my grandmother bought me to watch the movie “Money no enough 2”. After watching the movie, I felt that not only we should take good care of our parents and grandparents, we should be filial to them.