When I was born, you gave up smoking because you did not want to harm my health. I know that giving up smoking was a difficult task, especially since you were a heavy smoker. I am glad that you gave up smoking, if not I might not even see you today.

As a small child, you doted on me and bought sweets for me to eat. Fetching me from school was like a daily habit of yours, and you did it with pleasure. Whenever I got into the car, your face would light up. Even when I was grumpy, you would never fail to cheer me up. On the way home, you would teach me new Cantonese phrases, constantly conversing with me in Cantonese so that I would be able to speak the dialect.

Before fetching me from primary school, you will unload the groceries that you bought, and order me to help carry them in. Instead of helping, I would ask Aunty Lenny to bring the groceries in. You would then tease me for being lazy and I would come up with silly excuses such as having muscle ache. Whenever I did well for my examinations, you would give me fifty dollars and commend me for the hard work put in. When I was in Primary One, I was second in class and you encouraged me to work harder so that I would be first in Primary Two, but I let you down. I played so much that I did very badly. I knew you were disappointed in me and I felt guilty, making me even more determined to do better in Primary Three.

When my father was retrenched during the SARS period, you stood by me and comforted me. I feel secure whenever you are around; you are like the blanket that protects me from harm, constantly keeping me safe.

Whenever you asked me how to use a particular feature of the computer, I would always pretend that I did not know how to use it. You understood that I was not free to teach you, and you would not put it to heart. I am sorry that I lied to you. I tried teaching you once, but you could not understand, most probably because I am a horrible teacher.

I am proud that I have you as a grandfather because you are cool! You know how to use the computer, you listen to the MP3, and even though you cannot speak English, you can speak Cantonese, which is the coolest dialect! I always wonder what would happen if you passed away, and I know that regardless of what happens in the future, I will treasure you now, because the present is gift and the future is a mystery.

Love,
Claudia

Therefore, I was taken care by them since my parents had to work. Thus, I was the most favoured one amongst my cousins because I was the only one staying with them and learnt my dialect from them since I was four.

Although my grandfather had left me since I was primary two,  till now I can still clearly remember how much he cared for me such as cooking my favourite foods, taking me out, chatting with me through dialect and watching television programmes and movies together. I really miss him now as he is not able to see me grow. I was not able to chat and share my joy with him thus I felt disappointed by the fact that he is not here anymore.

As for my grandmother, although both of us always argue over small matters, I know that deeply in your heart, you care and love me more than what I have thought. I have to really thank you for taking care of me since young and always encouraging me in my studies and during the competitions that I had participate in. I hope that you will not be sad or angry on me as I do not always express my feelings and thoughts so frequently.

Overall, I have to thank both my grandparents on the love they have given my since young and also being so understanding and forgiving on things that I have done wrong. Last but not the least; I want to tell both of you that I love you. I will always remember you in my heart as both of you have played important roles in my life.

I do not remember you
standing by the bed,
while I slipped into this world.
Not quietly, but kicking and screaming.

I cannot recall your voice,
Saying, this is a cute kid.

I do not remember you,
Holding me by your breast.
Humming sweet, warm lullabies,
Holding my tiny foot in your hands.

But I do know the feeling
Of your arms encircled around me,
When I felt faint on the way home from school.
Then I was 8.

I have never really seen you
Heave sacks of rice, concrete,
back then in Communist China.
But from the tongue and lips of my mother,
I can imagine.

I can imagine you,
Coming home from work
In grimy overalls and boots caked in mud.
Toiling to feed a family.
Back then you were 30.

I can easily envision all that
When you easily picked up my schoolbag
The schoolbag, its “heaviness”
I all too often bemoaned.
You were 67 then, yet so strong.

Now, only now after you have gone,
Moved back to that Middle Country
Do I realize,
Behind that tender and wise smile,
Behind the strong shoulders,
Lies a history of pain and joy, of love and loss
A history, its burden you so carry so effortlessly.

Only now do I conceive
How much I truly miss you
Your absence creates a certain
Excavated hollowness, a gaping black hole
Tearing apart the fabric of my world
It sucks away that warmth and radiance
Your presence so often provided
I do now appreciate
The transience of your love.

Time sure flies, in the blinking of an eye, fifteen years have passed since I was delivered into this world. As I grow older each year, I am constantly reminded by the fact that you too, are ageing. Time spares no human. Today, as I took a closer look at you, I was shocked to realize how much you have actually aged over the years.

You were never any ordinary or typical grandmother to me. You were the one who took care of me, taking over the role of my parents as they were busy at work every day. Sometimes, I cannot help but feel that you know me better than anyone else, including my parents.

I admit that I am guilty of shouting and venting my anger on you whenever you nag at me about my studies. I give you my sincere apologies from the bottom of my heart. Please believe me. I have never wished to do that, but emotions always get the better hand of me. Despite all that, you have always accepted me for being who I am, regardless of everything. You always forgave me, without asking for anything in return and believed that I was more than what I seemed. It looked as though you could read and understand this ever-contradicting heart of mine.

However, I hated the fact that you kept harboring thoughts about departing this world in the near future. Although, deep down, I knew that this was an undeniable truth as nobody could truly escape the clutches of death. Yet, I refused to accept and acknowledge this fact, for I yearned for a miracle-a miracle that I know is impossible. In spite of this, I cannot imagine how unbearable life would be, living without you. You told me not to be sad and not to grief for you, if you were to die. Then again, I wonder whether I will have the courage and willpower to fight back my tears and sorrow.

My gratitude to you could never be expressed in words. You gave me all the love and care I desired; you guided me and led me through the right path, teaching me how to make the right decisions; you consoled me whenever I was feeling down; you encouraged me whenever I faced any obstacles in life. You even taught me all the knowledge and moral ethnics that are necessary for me to survive in the modern society and to become a respectable member of the society.

I have always known that you secretly hoped that I would become somebody in the future. Even though I cannot guarantee you that I will definitely succeed in becoming one, I promise you that I will strive hard and put in my best effort to achieve and fulfill the targets you have set for me. I will never let you down.

Grandma, I praise you, I thank you, I love you…
Love,
Cheryl